Mitch “Spaghetti and Large Meatballs” Gormley

Want to hangout with Mitch on a Monday? Too bad, that’s when the Bachelor comes on so it ain’t happening. While many look at his background as a D1 athlete and former career in finance as leading indicators of bro-dom, you’ve actually just met the most basic betch outside of LA. He’s never been spotted not going to pilates classes and/or wearing the most athleisure outfit imaginable (Lulu and vests 97% of the time), and we have full faith he’ll be pushing this trend on the “high fashion” community of Milan. Mitch excels at disappearing from the group whilst clubbing, discovering exotic street meat in the wee hours of the morning, and literally never getting angry at anything or anyone. The most renowned statisticians estimate we’ll lose him somewhere around day 4 or 5. Currently, Vegas has 3:1 odds he joins the ranks of the gondolier in Venice before eloping with two Italian models.