Mystery 5.0 Maize: Beyond the No-No Zone

Trip Region: MYSTERY
Country(ies): MYSTERY
Partners Trek? No
Cost: $3500
Airfare Estimate: $0
Structure: 2   •   Lodging: 3   •   Nightlife: 4   •   Activity: 2

Are you a Type A business school student with trouble giving up control? Let’s face it, we all are. But put your faith in our questionable hands and buckle in for the ride of your life. We’ll leave as acquaintances and return (at least those of us who make it back) with a bond forged over shots of dubious alcohols distilled in mysterious ways. Culture, food, parties, breathtaking views, bustling cities, beautiful people, responsible decisions…this trip will have at least six of those things.

Beyond the No-No Zone promises to be a life experience you won’t ever forget (except for a few many hazy nights).

DISCLAIMER: While we will see at least one wonder of the world on our journey, there will also be a fair amount of partying as we introduce you to Adult Summer Camp business school life. If you secretly want to say “Hangovers” when McKinsey asks you your biggest weakness, you may find this trip challenging.

Day 1 — Saturday, Aug 19

Good morning! It is Day 1 and those of you that survived the debaucherous initiation the night before are about to embark on an amazing journey. Stock up on your Pedialyte and follow us… Because we go to where no Pedialyte has been before. We will first head to the finest bar in the red-light district of Ypsilanti where our mobster friends will place bags over our heads and place us in vans with no windows. Don’t worry your bags will be perfectly safe! These guys are top notch. Adam knows them from… somewhere. We will then arrive to an unknown port where we will stow away on a cargo ship to our first destination…

Day 2 — Sunday, Aug 20

We will deboard to our first destination but not until we finish mopping the floors since we do have to work for passage and those cargo ship captains don’t mess around. We will then follow the appropriate local custom and bribe the border authorities to enter this yet to be recognized by the United Nations country. We will then hitchhike to the countryside as far as paved, dirt, paved, and then combined paved and dirt roads go. We will then meet up with a pack of wild gorillas who will carry us on their backs to their remote villas where we can climb the surrounding hills and take selfies overlooking the Valley of Shame and Remorse. From there we will sample local delicacies, most some of which will you will have to kill for yourself. We will then rage as the gorillas do and sample their finest liqueurs and be merry, but beware Donkey, King Kong’s spoiled insecure son, who gets a little fresh when he’s had a few…

Day 3 — Monday, Aug 21

On Day 3 we bid adieu to the gorilla villa. But first they will help us carve our canoes which we will take downstream to our next country destination. The river will take us to the banks of the secret lost city of Atlan…I mean… Can’t say the name but let’s just say it rhymes with Praying Mantis. We will then spend the day making new mermaid friends, sipping cocktails, and bar hopping the finest clubs Praying Mantis has to offer. Along the way we will meet long lost celebrities such as Jimmy Hoffa, Amelia Earhart, 2-Pac, and America’s dignity. No hotel for this destination as we will rage long into the night and into the dawn for the after-after-after-after-party which has a KILLER breakfast buffet! These Praying Matlanteans don’t mess around.

Day 4 — Tuesday, Aug 22

By this point we will have lost 40% of the Trekkers and at least one leader, which actually would be an improvement from last year… anyway. Team No-Sleep will attempt to take in some local “culture” and discover a hidden raging beach which will put all other Snaps, Instagrams, and basic Tinder profile pics to shame. You may need a filter to hide the bags under your eyes but the beauty of the beaches will shine on through. #bestfiltersever

Day 5 — Wednesday, Aug 23

After sleeping in beach huts along the shore and after burying your passed out least favorite Trek leader in the sand we will then take a hot air balloon to the highest mountain (or hill) in the country. There we will meet with one of your Trek leader’s Sherpas (Yes one of your leaders has a Sherpa) who will take us on a spiritual quest to discover ourselves and help us answer the question: “Why Mckinsey?” We will spend the night around a bonfire with s'mores, peyote herbal tea, and more introspection. After which we likely cry ourselves to sleep wondering why we took on such a massive debt to go to business school, but hey at least it’s not Kellogg! #therossdifference #leadersandbest

Day 6 — Thursday, Aug 24

After our Sherpa wakes us up with a harsh bamboo stick to the face and an even harsher facing of reality it will be time to put on your snow boots because we will venture higher into the snowcaps! And so we begin to train you for the harsh Michigan winters and a core class simulation exercise (you’ll get it when you take MO). From there we will endure a grueling hike up the mountain made better only by frequent shots of Fireball which is phase one of training: Skeeps in Subzero Temperature. We’ll then reach the summit… or summit the mountain?… we don’t know… and we will be treated to jacuzzis, fist fights, and short open bar tabs, all of which is phase two: Training for the Annual Ross Boyne Ski Trip.

Day 7 — Friday, Aug 25

Today we snow tube down into the local village. Where villagers will have a Fear Factor simulation ready for us. Here comes the true test of character as we each face our darkest fears. For some it will be snakes, for some working for a non-profit post-MBA, and for others it will be committed relationships. For those that pass the test and prove to be true Mysterio Trekker alumni will then join us for a fairly sanitary tattoo shop where will get matching “Mystery 5000” Mike Tyson face tattoos. Congratulations!! Don’t worry. Those that don’t make it might still be able to get off the Fuqua wait list...maybe.

Day 8 — Saturday, Aug 26

Now that you’re members of the proud long line of Mysterio Trekkers who have come before you, we will celebrate your accomplishments through overnight travel to the most awesome, underrated, underground party capital of the world… no the universe!!!! Vegas? Nah bruh. New York?? Psshhh puh-lease. Ibiza?? Even Better!! Phoenix, Arizona!!!!! Seriously though, the US dollar goes a long way in this country!!! You have no idea. We will go to rooftop bar parties, fine dining establishments, and play all the golf we want!! You earned it. Welcome to the team. Go Blue!!!

Day 9 — Sunday, Aug 27

On our final day of Mystery we will take victory lap, raging harder than you’ve ever raged before using that last bit of Pedialyte and even mixing it with your favorite spirits. We will then go to a fine steak dinner with Jim Harbaugh, toast our glasses of warm camel milk (his latest favorite!) and discuss our continuing adventures at the Bus tailgates and make an action plan for you to (barely) pass Stats. We will then head out to our final night which will truly remain a mystery unless we manage to find our phones the next morning and log into our Instagram accounts.

Day 10 — Monday, Aug 28

Shake off the glitter, scrub off the tattoos, find and collect what remains of your dignity, it’s time to go home. Mystery is not over however, we will set off on our most perilous journey yet, as we will take the Spirit Airlines magic carpet ride back to Ann Arbor. Call your mother, you very well might not make it back…